I know a song called I Poop In a Bucket. It’s what one might call internet famous and it’s pretty funny. There’s even a video that goes along with it (thankfully not a montage of action shots). It’s a little off color so I won’t present it here, but thinking about it moves me (sorry, couldn’t resist) to talk about a growing threat to our outdoor resource.

Every year millions upon millions of adventurers hit the campgrounds, waterways and trails around The Natural State, and there’s one thing all these adventurers have in common. Sooner or later they have to take a dump. Come on, we all do it. The question is how? My friends, let me introduce you to a magical piece of outdoor equipment – the groover.

Does it look familiar? It should. It’s just a military surplus ammo can. In the wild old days of the first commercial western river expeditions this was the receptacle of choice for customers’ recycled burritos. The name came from the grooves left behind on the……well, the behind after business was done. Thankfully groover technology (I can’t even type that with a straight face) has advanced considerably since then, and outdoor adventurers are blessed with a variety of options for this most maligned but important of chores.

Our go to is the WAG bag system. WAG is an acronym for Waste Alleviation and Gelling. Each unit is a heavy duty garbage bag containing a powder that becomes a gel when combined with your contribution and renders the contents less odiferous (I’ve always wanted to use that word). The garbage bag is then tied shut and sealed into an attached heavy duty zip top bag. WAG bags can be used pretty much any time anywhere; over a bucket, over a hassock (which is essentially a fancy bucket), over a log (if you’re very coordinated), in a boat, on a bus – okay probably not on a bus, but you get the idea. When you return to reality simply toss the little bundles into the trash can. The bags are a little spendy, but they can usually be found online at a considerable discount. We just stocked up courtesy of eBay.

This is probably the best way for the typical Arkansas adventurer to conduct business. It’s true the  Forest Service still recommends the cat hole method, and that’s certainly better than leaving the carnage on the ground for someone to encounter! However, I’m confident if Smokey Bear’s bosses had known the extent to which consumption of the outdoors would grow they’d have recommended containment. We certainly do.

Speaking of the cat hole, do you know how to properly execute one? Let’s face it, a groover won’t always be an option. Then what? Time to get diggy with it!

You need a hole, but not just any hole. It should be six to eight inches deep and at least 200 feet away from any water source. Once you’ve made your deposit either add the TP or simply pack it out. A zip top bag will contain the actual ick, and the psychological ick will subside quickly. Fill in and disguise the hole and continue your adventure.

This concludes our business regarding doing our business in the outdoors. Nah-Nah-Nah-Nah-Nah-Nah – Gettin’ diggy with it! What? It’s an actual song, and you’ll need something to focus on while you get your groove on. You’re welcome!

See you out there!

Deuce